right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
