shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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