eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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