lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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