paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
