so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
