Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
as a side note pls kill me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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