you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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