god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
