You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
