Do you still have your period?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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