One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
