I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
