talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
