My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
