I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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