I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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