he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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