the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
