Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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