I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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