I just pynch a tree in the face
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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