high people should be assigned attendants
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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