I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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