My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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