My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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