I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
