he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
