My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
