The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
