i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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