Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Randomize
