i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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