The maid of honor just puked.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
