You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
