Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think I am morally bankrupt
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm bleeding and have questions
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
