Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
