...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I will be naked everywhere
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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