Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
