I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
