Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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