She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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