wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
