bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
