So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
