Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
