Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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