I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
