Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
