I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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