It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
