I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
