Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
