So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
