Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
