I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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