so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
