you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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