One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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